Homeless People

Different negative thoughts usually go through people's minds when coming across a homeless person. Thoughts like "oh, another bum!", or "they're probably just another junkie who wants money to buy more drugs or alcohol." We all jump to conclusions, but have we ever stopped to have a conversation with any homeless person we've come across? I've never stopped to talk to a homeless person.

We've all seen a homeless person at a freeway exit, others at a street red light, outside of a grocery store, at a gas station, etc. We judge them by how they look. If they're wearing somewhat clean clothes we may assume "they're probably not homeless--they're probably just looking for a handout." Why do we judge the homeless so harshly, I know I have sometimes been a harsh judge myself.

Today I took my mom to the doctor for an appointment (she doesn't drive). I dropped her off at the clinic and went to get lunch with my sister.  She called me when she was ready so I went back to the clinic to pick her up. When I got there my sister called her cell telling her we were there again. She said she would be right out of the office. When she was out she came to my window (I didn't know why she wasn't getting in the car). I rolled my window down and she asked me, "Do you have a water bottle or something? I was just talking to this man outside the clinic. Poor man, he needs insulin but they can't see him at the clinic today. He was to wait until tomorrow. He had an alcohol problem, but he's been sober for some time now and he has nowhere to go. He doesn't have any food or water and he was recently laid off work. He's going to stay outside of the clinic for the night." I grabbed an extra plastic water bottle I had in my car and put in some cold water I had in my refillable bottle. I didn't have any snack or anything in the car to give him, but my mom told me she wanted to bring him some food later. She then took off to give him the water bottle.

At that moment, I saw my mom in a different light. My mom is a wonderful person and I may have been blind all this time because I didn't see that. Before today I didn't see how big of a heart she really has. I have even thought of her as heartless because she's not your typical nurturing mother who tells you she loves you everyday. I can't even think of the last time she said "I love you" to me. This moment made me see that if she cares enough about a stranger to give/ provide him with nourishment, how can I think she doesn't care about me?

I'm glad that with the few homeless people I've run into I have provided spare change if I have it. One time I even gave the homeless person a World's Finest chocolate I had just bought (it was the only food I had with me). I guess I got my heart from my mom because sometimes I do act exactly like her. Her actions today have forever changed my view on homeless people. I won't be as harsh of a judge the next time I come across a person who is asking for some spare change. After all, you never know how they ended up that way or if you could ever end up on the streets, especially in this economy.

You never know, this could be you...

New Weekend Job...Kind of

So I have a new job...kind of. I went for an interview out in Sherman Oaks yesterday. It's for a consultant/ marketing rep type of position. There were about thirty women there (they apparently have men interview on a separate day than women). It was more of a panel interview and they said they would call back the ones they would want to come on board for training (back in Sherman Oaks) on Friday (today). I got a call a few hours later! I didn't get too excited because I wanted to see how many of the women would be there today. 

I had to drive all the way out there again (luckily the actual job itself will take place in the O.C. surrounding area). There were about twelve women today for the training, so that made me feel good. So I won't go into the details of the position because I signed a confidentiality agreement (about the training material), but I will say that I don't know exactly how this will pan out. This position is only on weekends (Sat. 11-6 PM & Sun 11-2 PM). This will be a part time thing with financial growth opportunity in regards to bonuses. I will be treated as an independent sub contractor for this company, which gave me a few ideas about my future endeavors... 

I would've been very skeptical about something like this in the past, but I think I'm much more open minded and willing to try new stuff. If it doesn't work out, oh, well.  At least I tried it out. Plus, I think it can help me in developing my people skills and ability to talk to strangers. So the worse that can happen is I take is as a learning experience and better myself. We'll see what happens.

I feel that since I left my last actual job I've gotten a boost of self confidence in every aspect of my life. I feel as though I'm more outspoken with nothing to hide. Although that can sometimes get me in trouble because I don't always think before I speak and sometimes I can hurt people's feelings when I'm too blunt. 

And again I got a funny, lovey feeling when seeing the L.A. skyline again. :)

The Glamorous Los Angeles-Traffic

People who live outside of Southern California aren't too familiar with L.A. traffic. Well, I'm somewhat familiar with the traffic there. I was born in Los Angeles and when I was 7 my parents decided to move to Anaheim (right next to Disneyland). When I finished high school I went to UC Santa Barbara. To get there I had to go through Los Angeles. Even on the weekends there's traffic! I usually tried to stay away from L.A. if I didn't have to go over there. Recently I've noticed I keep driving more & more out there. What's weird is I can't pin point the reason for me to want to be in L.A. I'm in love with the city. I just think there is so much to do out there: museums, restaurants, landmarks, nightclubs, etc. It just seems like you'd never run out of things to do.

Yesterday I drove out there for an interview in West Hollywood. It took me 1.5 hours to get there. When I left I went all the way down Santa Monica Blvd. from West Hollywood to Hollywood, to reach the 101, the scenery changed. It went from nice, contemporary architecture and upscale stores to a crappy-looking area where stores had 99 cent advertisement signs on their windows (see pic below). This is the side that people don't see in L.A.

Just down the street from there you see another store that has a big posted sign that advertises their many 98 cent items (see pic below in the top left corner).

I took these pics while driving because I guess it never really occurred to me that regular people live there too. For some reason I just didn't think about the regular city-like features of L.A. My observations on this day brought those things back to light for me.

Traffic-wise, there was plenty of it. Cars go so slow, but what can you expect with only 3 lanes in a city that has 4+ million people? Traffic's always bad. It's actually either bad (which is normal) or horrible (which is bad):

Eventually I always go back. Tomorrow I have an interview in Sherman Oaks, so I'm sure I will run into some traffic (I know Sherman Oaks is far, the actual job would take place in Orange County). It took me 1.5 hours to get back home. So all in all, I was on the road for 3 hours.

It's hard to explain though, everytime I see the L.A. skyline, I have a weird feeling of separation. That's when I think to myself, Good Bye L.A. I'll be back. Maybe it's because I was born in L.A. and I have childhood memories of the place, or maybe it's because I somehow feel connected to the city. I don't know what it is, but I love it, except for the traffic-I could do without that.

L.A. skyline view as I'm driving away...

Living on a Budget

It's so hard to live on a budget. I've always lived paycheck to paycheck, but now that I'm unemployed I really have to watch what I spend. I have reduced down to generic brands (except toothpaste & shampoo), use coupons all the time, and have completely cut out shopping for clothes. I just went to Target today and totally used coupons! I will only be good for about 2-3 more weeks (it's been a week with no job now).

I've had a weird feeling because I don't have any work related stress; that's the good part. All I did last week was dance (Tuesday-Friday). There was a ballet folklorico workshop I attended; it was a great workout! The best part was that it was so much fun. I compared myself to the other girls who were there. They would complain about being tired and when they danced they weren't that into it. I remembered what they felt because I used to feel that way. I felt different because I felt like I had given up a lot to be able to attend the dance workshop that week. I gave up the security of getting a regular paycheck. It's a very scary feeling.


At this moment I feel like there are endless possibilities and I'm trying to explore them as fast as possible. Finances keep me from exploring my possibilities for a longer time period. It must be nice to have the kind of time you want. Unfortunately my parents can not help me out financially. They can only help me by not charging me rent and feeding me (most of the time), which I greatly appreciate. I guess I didn't fully realize everything I would be giving up.

I haven't hung out with my friends as much because I can't spend too much money. Most of the times I hang out with friends I end up spending some money, whether it's going out for lunch/dinner, a movie, the county fair, etc. There goes my social life! I also worry about having enough money for my best friend's wedding, considering I'm the maid of honor (turns out there are quite a few expenses that come along with the title). I know my boyfriend is happy about the not going out and spending money because he would rather just stay in and watch a movie to avoid spending money. I guess I didn't realize how much money I used to spend until now that I don't have the money to spend anymore. I just think about how much money I could have right now if I wouldn't have spent it on stupid stuff like going out shopping for clothes or eating out all the time. I guess I might be turning into a hermit because I'm staying in a lot more now. Well, I can't lose the optimism. Gotta keep my hopes up because without hope I am left with nothing. I'm sure I'll get over this hump...eventually.

Anger Management

Many people have seen the movie Anger Management. It's a funny movie and makes one laugh. It almost seems as if Adam Sandler's character doesn't need anger management classes. The people who are taking anger management classes usually do so because of a court order, because they have to. Those who really have anger management issues are the ones who don't take the classes.


I have been told I should take anger management classes. The one who told me was my younger brother (4 years younger). The last time he told me was probably 2-3 years ago. I was such an angry person then. Even still he tells me sometimes, but now i think it's his own exaggeration. My 16 year old sister doesn't think i have anger issues anymore. What matters is what I think, right? I don't know anymore. Sometimes I'm not sure if I overreact.


Yesterday I had an issue with the boyfriend. By now I'm pretty sure he knows that when I get mad, I'm mad. What I like is that he gives me space and time for me to cool off. We've had an event planned for a few months now. This event is taking place in November. Yesterday we were having lunch with his mom and her girlfriend and he's telling his mom about a comic book convention that he's going to go to with his friends. He mentioned it is in November. So I casually asked him "when in November is it?" He said, "the [respective] weekend in November." I then said, "that's the event." He just stayed quiet. Then his mom asked more about the event and suggested he could maybe make it to both. Her girlfriend also made some suggestions. He began taking their suggestions into real consideration. After all, where there's a will there's a way, right?


I felt like I was boiling up inside. I could almost feel steam coming out of my head because I was so angry. I didn't say much anymore because it was useless for me to say anything at this time. It was time for me to go home shortly after and he walked me out to my car. This is where I let it all out and in a way blew up. To me it seemed like my event meant nothing to him. Certainly not important enough since he forgot about it and made other plans on top of those we already had. I wasn't mad because it's a comic book thing or because he was hanging out with his friends; I can understand because I like to do things I like and hang out with my friends also. I was angry because of the principle of the whole thing; double booking and me being left hanging.


When we first started going out I made it clear to him that one of my biggest pet peeves is when someone tells me they're going to do something or go somewhere with me and then they flake out. The only way it's acceptable is for some emergency or last minute family thing that comes up that is really important. So he said he wouldn't go to the comic book thing with his friends & he would go to my event. Somehow this didn't make me feel any better.


Later in the day I saw him again. I had cooled off and had time to think. I thought to myself I might've been overreacting. While we were talking he said something that really bothered me. I asked him "if you were to go to your comic book thing, how would you make it to that?" His response, "It doesn't matter. I'm not going because I don't want to get in trouble." I felt offended because I knew he was referring to getting in trouble by me. I was simply asking because I was genuinely interested in how he could make both events since I know it's something he really wants to go to.


Anyway, at night he was hanging out with his friends. We had agreed I would see him after since I had something else to do also. My thing ended a bit earlier so I tried calling him a few times. Each call went straight to voicemail. So I guess you could say that added fuel to the fire of how I was already feeling. He had told me to call him and/or text him when I was done to see where I could meet him (where he was at with his friends or at his home). This just got me angry again, considering I was already cooled off. So I just headed home.


I was just angry all over and was trying to hold back. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all, right? He called me after and we spoke on the phone and everything was still bothering me. I still felt mad. I was just mad at everything. It's been a day and I'm still mad, not as mad as yesterday, though.

What makes someone NEED anger management classes? Do I need them? Is my anger for a good reason?

Going out, CLUBBIN'!

So I went to a club last night. I went to EMBER nightclub in Anaheim. I went with one of my girlfriends. One of her guy friends was celebrating his birthday with a group of other friends. She just wanted to meet them separately because she doesn't like to drink much or get too crazy. Ladies in free before 10:30 PM on guestlist! That's always a plus for women! I can't complain.


Once we got in we went straight to the dance floor, which was pretty empty. We were on the main dance floor which was playing latin stuff like spanish rock, merengue, cumbias, etc. Then her friends got there and we began dancing with them. An hour into it and I was already sweaty--good thing I wore my hair up! I enjoyed dancing with her friends because it eliminated regular, club-going guys from approaching us from behind and pretending they're doing you (that always gets on my nerves). The good thing about dancing with people you know (or people that your friends know) is that they will respect you & your bubble when you dance together.


We went to the restroom, and when we got back to the dance floor we started dancing with her two guy friends. The one I was dancing with left and then some random guy approached me. So I thought nothing of it and danced with him. What a surprise that he started dancing too close from behind. So after the one song I danced with him I just told him I would keep dancing with my friends. He smiled and shook my hand thanking me for dancing with him. I thought that was really nice. 


That so would not have happened at a club in L.A. In L.A. a guy would come up behing you trying to hump you and if you tell him you don't want to dance they give you the evil eye and sometimes curse at you or something. They get pissed off because they just want to get laid that night. I just like clubbing because I love to dance! It has to be a good DJ though, that plays a lot of electronic dance music, especially since I know how to shuffle now (Oh, I did shuffle at the club last night, lol...good thing I wore flats).


So, back to last night. I danced with some other guy and this guy was dancing facing me and had space in between us. We probably danced for like 3 or 4 songs. Then I just went back to dancing with my friend and her friend--three-way dance, lol. All in all I had a very fun night! Very good work out, since I didn't drink. It had been about 2 years or so since I had gone to Ember nightclub. It was pretty good. They used to not let anyone in if they didn't get valet parking there. They don't do that anymore, so that's good. I can't wait to go again next time! (I'm so glad I have a boyfriend who doesn't get jealous or anything about me dancing with other guys. It's just dancing, and some guys just overreact because they're insecure.)

Officially Unemployed

As of today, I am officially unemployed! I decided I no longer want to be a slave to my job. There's so much uncertainty. The old me would not be happy about this. Since I've decided to take my life in a new direction, it feels great! I thought about it last night, kept going over the pros and cons about leaving this company (That's typical me over analyzing everything). It's a weird feeling because I've never done this before.

Last night I structured what my school schedule will be (for dance classes)- I have a primary schedule, but I also have an alternate schedule prepared in case I don't get in to my first choices. Either way I will be doing ballet, jazz, modern, social dance (tango, waltz, etc.), hip hop, and possibly Afro-Caribbean dance. I'm so excited about only focusing on dance! Today I might even start a folklorico workshop at Cal Poly Pomona (crossing my fingers). Aside from that I will be doing folklorico every Friday and Sunday with the group "Ballet Folklorico Internacional" and my first performance with the group will be July 31 at the Baldwin Park Performing Arts Center- I'm excited about performing again!

One of my favorite quotes is "On my death bed I would rather regret things I did, than to regret the things I did not do." If I regret anything now, I can at least say I did it!

So cliche, but "the world is my oyster!" The possibilities are endless!

Am I insane? Am I going backwards?

So i left my previous position at a national/ international corporation to work in sales at a family owned and operated business. I thought this would be a good change for me since I've never worked for a small company. The prior two companies I've worked for (post UCSB) are fortune 500 companies. Who would want to leave a reputable company, right? Me! The thing that lacks in big companies is the interpersonal communication. Everything gets lost in translation. What I mean is that people at the top (CEO, President, Regional Director, etc.) send down direction/ instruction to the employees at the bottom of the chain. When those at the bottom ask "why?" their direct supervisors/ managers usually respond with "that's what we were told to do" or "that's what our CEO wants." I thought that by going to a small, family-owned business, this wouldn't happen anymore-I was wrong.

Even though I work for a small company, it seems that's the same thing is happening again. I keep falling into the same structure. Last week I asked my supervisor a few questions in regards to my position and training (I have one more month of training). His response was "That's what our CEO wants. That's the way we do things." It seems no one has an actual answer when I ask "why?" People tend to just do as they're told without questioning the higher ups (that's what happened during the Holocaust, the Nazis were just doing as they were told, I know this is a dramatic comparison, but you get my point.). People need to know why they do the things they do, at least I know I do.

So my pattern now seems to be to work for a company, I tend to not like how management works, so I leave and head to a new company. I keep ending up feeling the same way I did at the previous company- MISERABLE. The definition of insanity is to do the same thing repeatedly and expect different results. I keep moving from company to company expecting different results. Am I insane? If I'm not yet, I know I'm not too far from that. So last week I began thinking maybe I should leave this current company and start fresh on a new career path.

As a kid, my biggest dream was to become a dance instructor (ballet folklorico). I thought I had a plan all laid out. I would go into the business world, save up enough money, then eventually open up my own dance studio and teach. Funny how life works and things don't ever go as planned. To me it's not about money anymore. I just want to be happy doing what I love- DANCE!

Over the last couple of weeks three major things have happened that got me thinking. The first was that I went to my friend's wife's Zumba Party. She's a Zumba instructor and that's what she does for a living. I had previously heard of Zumba and seen some stuff on TV about it, but I had never attended a class or anything until this Zumba party at their home. I was blown away! Her energy was great! She looked so happy. Not to mention all the people who attended the party who were non-stop Zumba-ing! It was great! I didn't take part in it because I was catching up with my friend, who happens to still work at the company I previously worked for. I commented to him that his wife had so much energy and seemed so happy. He said she is happy, and he's not (relating to work). At that moment I envied her because I wanted that, to be happy doing my work. Is that too much to ask? Apparently anyone can become a Zumba instructor (you just have to get certified like with anything else), so I kept that in the back of my mind. The music they were zumba-ing to are familiar latin tunes. It's the type of music that is played at my family parties (reggaeton, salsa, merengue, etc.), and the moves kind of similar also. I thought to myself, "I can dance like that. I do that all the time at my family stuff."

www.zumbawithjacquel​ine.com

The second incident took place the day of my aunt's funeral (7/11/11). One of her daughter's, my cousin, was my very first ballet folklorico teacher when I was about 5 years old. That's when my love of dance began. I danced folklorico from the time I was five until about 12/13 years old (during that time I also had 1 year of classical ballet), during high school I spent one year on the' dance team (combination of jazz, modern, ballet), and then when I got to college I joined the ballet folklorico group there and danced with them for 3 years. All together I have about 17 years of professional dance experience out of my 26 years of life. After the burial, we went to my cousin's house. It came up in conversation that her ballet folklorico group will have a performance on July 31 at the Baldwin Performing Arts Center. She was telling us about her group and the different performaces they have going on throughout the year and a few for next year. Then I boldly asked her if I could join her group. She said yes without hesitation. She even said I could perform with them for the July show this month. She let me know practices are held every Friday & Sunday and I told her I'd be there.

This last Friday was the first practice I attended. I brought all my dance shoes because I didn't know which ones I would need (ballet, jazz, & folklorico). I practiced in the back watching the other dancers. I must say I caught on quickly. I don't know the full choreography yet, but I pretty much got the steps down. I'm only going to perform in one of the routines, but that didn't stop me from practicing for all the other routines. I felt great! I felt so alive and happy! During one of the short breaks there were a few of the other dancers' moms. One of them asked me what group I was from (because she had never seen me there). I went on to tell her I was related to the instructor and how I hadn't dance in years and I was getting back into it. She complemented me and said I was really good. That completely made my day! For once in a very long time I was only focusing on dancing without a care in the world. I think this is when I decided I want to go back to dancing.

The third thing happened last night. I went to the OC Fair with my boyfriend and some friends. For the last 2 years that I've gone to the OC Fair I always go to a psychic who can read your hands (palm reading) and/ or also deal out your cards. I do it more so for entertainment purposes, but there have been a few things that she tells me that no one else would know! Last night she was really busy that she had someone else with her, Celia Ruiz, who was also doing some of the readings. I got Celia and my friend got Linda. The things that are relevant to this are that she told me that I need to follow my intuition and not over analyze things, I hate working for people (which I've recently discovered), I excel at the arts and that makes me happy, I could do well working for myself, and do well reaching out to large groups of people. I know this is all open to interpretation, but at this moment in my life these are all pertain to what's going on in my life right now. This was the last push I needed to really make my decision.

http://lindajackson.netfirms.com/

No more feeling sorry for myself or feeling stuck at a job where I don't enjoy what I'm doing. Life is short. I've decided to take my leap of faith! I am going to go back to school to attain a dance degree (Associates to start), get a night job, and also get certified as a Zumba instructor so I can start working for myself. I'm really excited to start this new venture and do what I love best-DANCE!

THE WORKPLACE AND HORRIBLE BOSSES

So yesterday I was supposed to go watch Horrible Bosses with my boyfriend. Unfortunately the 8:05 PM movie showing was sold out. The next one wasn't until 10:25 PM and that would've been too late because I have to be up at 6:45 AM to get to work by 8:00 AM. I was really looking forward to watching the movie because I think everyone could relate to the movie (as far as the concept of the movie goes). 


I would assume that at one point or another most people have felt that they had a horrible boss. I know I've had more than one of those. My current boss is so naive & has no manners. I've been at my current job for a little over 2 months. I've been in training this whole time and it's supposed to be over in 1 more month. You might be wondering what makes my boss so horrible. Well, I think it's a combination of things. 


I didn't know he was related to the business owners (it's a family owned business I work for). In front of prospects he tells them that the owners are his aunt and uncle. So I'm thinking he's telling the truth. Turns out he's not their nephew. Growing up he was the owners' daughter's best friend. My supervisor is one of ten children. His family moved out of state and his best friend's parents (his fake "aunt" and "uncle" took him in so he wouldn't have to move. 


One thing that bugs me is that as he's training me he treats me as if I don't know anything, he treats me like he does prospects. The way I can tell is because he's taught me the sales steps according to our training material and some of those steps are the ones he takes with me. It's so frustrating when someone treats you like a kid. I'm thinking it's his lack of inexperience in the real world. I say that because he's 31 years old and he's been working at this company for 12 years. I don't think he would survive at any other company.


He also doesn't know how to treat people. He had a total of 4 people working under him (at one point) and I witnessed him telling the other 3 employees "if you don't...I get yelled at and then I have to yell at you." The way he said it was almost a threat. What supervisor or manager would be allowed to tell their employee that they will yell at them? To me that is unprofessional behavior. He walks and talks with a sense of superiority when he's in the office.


There have been a few instances when we walk out of a bad appointment (where the prospect didn't show or he/she didn't want to meet with us after they had set the appointment). He starts cursing in the car about the prospect who no showed or about the telemarketers who set the appointment. It would be fine if he was alone in the car, but he's not. He tries to get me to agree with all his cursing, but I just stay quiet and nod. Again, unprofessional behavior. And it's not like I can report him to the HR department or anything because the HR/ Marketing manager (his boss) is his best friend! He's like a little spoiled kid who throws a temper tantrum when he doesn't get his way.


What really gets me are his disgusting ways, his lack of manners. I'm in a car with him quite often because we're out in the field (the nature of the sales beast). Occasionally he'll sneeze; when he does, he sneezes into his hand and then rubs his hand on his pants. Gross! Also, we're always out on the road and sometimes we don't have time to stop for lunch. He always brings his lunch and eats while driving. What really gets me is that he chews with his mouth open and even talks to me while he's still chewing! Chewing with your mouth open is one of my biggest pet peeves and I find it VERY DISGUSTING! He's a grown man, he should know better. Then when he's finishing up whatever he's eating, he'll lick his fingers and rub his hand on his pants. I just want to barf thinking about it...


Today I think I scared him with the way I talked to him. One thing I hate are backseat drivers. Today it was my turn to drive so I drove my car and he was my passenger. A few days ago I also drove and I noticed him making a lot of little comments that backseat drivers usually make like, "you might want to switch over lanes," or "watch out for that car" (you get the point). So today I'm merging on to the freeway (highway) and as I'm merging I look behind me to my left and I have plenty of space to merge onto the lane to the left. I also noticed there was a semi truck to the left of that lane; I had enough space and the semi truck was good. As I'm merging he yells out "watch out!" So I turn to the left really quick and it freaked me out. I realized everything was OK and nothing was the matter. My immediate response was "PLEASE, DON'T DO THAT!" After that there was an awkward silence for the rest of the drive. I could tell that put him in his place for the time being. I hate it when people do that!


Anyway, because it's a family owned and operated small business I can tell that I won't get too far here. Good thing too because I don't know how much longer I'm going to be able to put up with this guy, my horrible boss. I can't wait to watch Horrible Bosses (hopefully this weekend)!

Death--Funerals

Today I attended a funeral. It was my aunt, my dad's sister, who passed away. She had turned 90 this past June. What made this even more sad was that her sister passed away this last April. To understand fully what I mean you must know that they were my dad's half sisters.


My dad grew up with his mom and dad. His parents split up when he was a teen. When he was in his early thirties he learned that his father was actually his step father. Turns out his biological father passed away when my dad was a baby (1 or 2 years old). No one ever told him about his biological father. At this time he also learned that he had two half sisters who were also fathered by his biological father. 


I can't imagine what he must have felt like today, knowing that the only connection to his biological father was gone. At the church ceremony I shed a few tears after looking over at him and saw him crying. I can't imagine what it must feel like to find a sibling later on in life and losing them a short time after. I began to think about how i would feel if I lost one of my 3 siblings (all younger); I would be devastated. It dawned on me that our lives are very short. It's as if our lives are on loan to us. We're born, we have a borrowed life, and then comes the day when that life is taken back. 

My grandma (mom's side) was there with us because she knew my aunt. My grandma could not stop crying. She kept talking about her funeral and when she passes away. I didn't want to hear any of it, but I did not say anything to her. She's turning 80 this September and it's sad to say, but she will pass on. It's just the circle of life. When that thought crossed my mind I started crying even more. Seeing my cousins and nieces/ nephews crying over the loss of my aunt (their mother and grandmother) made me take a step in their shoes. I can't imagine having to deal with the loss of one of my parents or even my grandma (my only grandmother left).


It seems that my grandma is prepared. I learned today that she has paid for her burial site and all major costs associated with the burial. My aunt (mom's sister) was telling me about it. She was asking me to make sure to remember some songs that the mariachi played at the burial (my grandma loves mariachi). Even my grandma was commenting about certain things. She said, "Make sure you stay until my grave is completely filled up with the dirt. Don't leave me alone above ground." I think it's crazy how older people come to terms with death.

After the burial we went to my cousin's house for lunch. I learned more about the past few months in regards to my late aunt. After her sister passed away in April she told my cousin and my parents that her sister would come for her. She said she wanted to be with her. Also, one of her granddaughters gave birth to a baby a couple months ago. The baby died after 6 hours. The talked days later about it. She told my aunt that she was going to try to have another baby and that she needed her to take care of the baby. My aunt responded to her by saying "Instead, I'll take care of your baby who's in heaven." It's as if my aunt knew her time was coming soon.


No one can push the thought of death aside and no one can escape it. It's a part of life. The only thing we can do is accept it and just think of how we can make this a life worth living. What will your family and friends remember you for? What would you want to be remembered for? Every cloud has a silver lining. Although my aunt passed away, she will not be forgotten by her family. She lived a full life and supported her family (did I mention she had 12 children?!?! That alone, is unbelievable!). I believe family is the greatest thing in life, it is what makes life worth living. 

[Sad to say, but this is the business that will never go out of business.]