Am I insane? Am I going backwards?

So i left my previous position at a national/ international corporation to work in sales at a family owned and operated business. I thought this would be a good change for me since I've never worked for a small company. The prior two companies I've worked for (post UCSB) are fortune 500 companies. Who would want to leave a reputable company, right? Me! The thing that lacks in big companies is the interpersonal communication. Everything gets lost in translation. What I mean is that people at the top (CEO, President, Regional Director, etc.) send down direction/ instruction to the employees at the bottom of the chain. When those at the bottom ask "why?" their direct supervisors/ managers usually respond with "that's what we were told to do" or "that's what our CEO wants." I thought that by going to a small, family-owned business, this wouldn't happen anymore-I was wrong.

Even though I work for a small company, it seems that's the same thing is happening again. I keep falling into the same structure. Last week I asked my supervisor a few questions in regards to my position and training (I have one more month of training). His response was "That's what our CEO wants. That's the way we do things." It seems no one has an actual answer when I ask "why?" People tend to just do as they're told without questioning the higher ups (that's what happened during the Holocaust, the Nazis were just doing as they were told, I know this is a dramatic comparison, but you get my point.). People need to know why they do the things they do, at least I know I do.

So my pattern now seems to be to work for a company, I tend to not like how management works, so I leave and head to a new company. I keep ending up feeling the same way I did at the previous company- MISERABLE. The definition of insanity is to do the same thing repeatedly and expect different results. I keep moving from company to company expecting different results. Am I insane? If I'm not yet, I know I'm not too far from that. So last week I began thinking maybe I should leave this current company and start fresh on a new career path.

As a kid, my biggest dream was to become a dance instructor (ballet folklorico). I thought I had a plan all laid out. I would go into the business world, save up enough money, then eventually open up my own dance studio and teach. Funny how life works and things don't ever go as planned. To me it's not about money anymore. I just want to be happy doing what I love- DANCE!

Over the last couple of weeks three major things have happened that got me thinking. The first was that I went to my friend's wife's Zumba Party. She's a Zumba instructor and that's what she does for a living. I had previously heard of Zumba and seen some stuff on TV about it, but I had never attended a class or anything until this Zumba party at their home. I was blown away! Her energy was great! She looked so happy. Not to mention all the people who attended the party who were non-stop Zumba-ing! It was great! I didn't take part in it because I was catching up with my friend, who happens to still work at the company I previously worked for. I commented to him that his wife had so much energy and seemed so happy. He said she is happy, and he's not (relating to work). At that moment I envied her because I wanted that, to be happy doing my work. Is that too much to ask? Apparently anyone can become a Zumba instructor (you just have to get certified like with anything else), so I kept that in the back of my mind. The music they were zumba-ing to are familiar latin tunes. It's the type of music that is played at my family parties (reggaeton, salsa, merengue, etc.), and the moves kind of similar also. I thought to myself, "I can dance like that. I do that all the time at my family stuff."

www.zumbawithjacquel​ine.com

The second incident took place the day of my aunt's funeral (7/11/11). One of her daughter's, my cousin, was my very first ballet folklorico teacher when I was about 5 years old. That's when my love of dance began. I danced folklorico from the time I was five until about 12/13 years old (during that time I also had 1 year of classical ballet), during high school I spent one year on the' dance team (combination of jazz, modern, ballet), and then when I got to college I joined the ballet folklorico group there and danced with them for 3 years. All together I have about 17 years of professional dance experience out of my 26 years of life. After the burial, we went to my cousin's house. It came up in conversation that her ballet folklorico group will have a performance on July 31 at the Baldwin Performing Arts Center. She was telling us about her group and the different performaces they have going on throughout the year and a few for next year. Then I boldly asked her if I could join her group. She said yes without hesitation. She even said I could perform with them for the July show this month. She let me know practices are held every Friday & Sunday and I told her I'd be there.

This last Friday was the first practice I attended. I brought all my dance shoes because I didn't know which ones I would need (ballet, jazz, & folklorico). I practiced in the back watching the other dancers. I must say I caught on quickly. I don't know the full choreography yet, but I pretty much got the steps down. I'm only going to perform in one of the routines, but that didn't stop me from practicing for all the other routines. I felt great! I felt so alive and happy! During one of the short breaks there were a few of the other dancers' moms. One of them asked me what group I was from (because she had never seen me there). I went on to tell her I was related to the instructor and how I hadn't dance in years and I was getting back into it. She complemented me and said I was really good. That completely made my day! For once in a very long time I was only focusing on dancing without a care in the world. I think this is when I decided I want to go back to dancing.

The third thing happened last night. I went to the OC Fair with my boyfriend and some friends. For the last 2 years that I've gone to the OC Fair I always go to a psychic who can read your hands (palm reading) and/ or also deal out your cards. I do it more so for entertainment purposes, but there have been a few things that she tells me that no one else would know! Last night she was really busy that she had someone else with her, Celia Ruiz, who was also doing some of the readings. I got Celia and my friend got Linda. The things that are relevant to this are that she told me that I need to follow my intuition and not over analyze things, I hate working for people (which I've recently discovered), I excel at the arts and that makes me happy, I could do well working for myself, and do well reaching out to large groups of people. I know this is all open to interpretation, but at this moment in my life these are all pertain to what's going on in my life right now. This was the last push I needed to really make my decision.

http://lindajackson.netfirms.com/

No more feeling sorry for myself or feeling stuck at a job where I don't enjoy what I'm doing. Life is short. I've decided to take my leap of faith! I am going to go back to school to attain a dance degree (Associates to start), get a night job, and also get certified as a Zumba instructor so I can start working for myself. I'm really excited to start this new venture and do what I love best-DANCE!